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To all the Dad’s out there… hilarious measure of a Father’s logic on babies…
Spread the diaper in the position of a baseball diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher’s mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again.
Author Unknown
June has often been thought of to be the most popular wedding month, but it seems things have changed. According to Hallmark, that’s not true anymore. August is now the most often sought month for weddings; followed by June, July, September, October, May, April, November, December, March, February, January. So in retrospect, if you are planning to wed in June, the mad rush for your bridal gown, wedding invitations and reception hall, just might not be so competitive.
Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch & you’ll have to pee.
Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal & someone always answers.
Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet & who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies & stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy’s Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness & cost of the carpet or rug.
Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.
Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.
Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
Doctors’ Law - If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better. Don’t make an appointment and you’ll stay sick.
It’s funny that some of our possessions are just that “possessions” and that some things that we possess have an unexpected connection that makes it difficult to part with. I have been packing up our house now for about 3 months. 
Since we already have a home we are going to and this one has yet to sell, there is no rush to be in one or out of the other. The timing of our move is actually pending on two things; when either Mike obtains a job where we are moving to or when this house sells.
I had actually, when this process began, thought that it would be a somewhat easy process: packing here, unpacking there and then packing here and unpacking there, again and again. It did begin somewhat easy as there were definitely things hidden away (and not) that I haven’t used in years, but knew I wouldn’t part with. Those things went first. Of course, there was the hesitation to pack anything of value as it would be left unattended two weeks at a time. At this point, because it is a 4 hour car ride each way, we go up every other weekend. I also have spent most nights falling asleep; figuring out in my head, where to put things that I wouldn’t have to move again to make room for other things that I bring up at a later time.
The next grouping of our “stuff” to go was the things more commonly used, but that I could do without for a period of time. Any duplicate items, some pieces of furniture, photo albums and office supplies fell into this category.
As I was categorizing, I was also separating things to give to various people. During this process, I also divvied out furniture that we are no longer in need of. Parting with all of these items had no affect on me what-so-ever. In fact, I was glad to see them go.
Until……I gave up our bar.
Mind you, we have three, but this one Mike and I had bought around eight years ago. It lived in our game room, which used to be a useless living room and dining room. I can not even begin to count on how many occasions we used the bar. So many parties, so many nights spent sitting at the bar enjoying the company of anyone that joined us or just the two of us. As I watched the bar leaving, it actually brought tears to my eyes. I find it odd for me, not that I am not an emotional person, but I am in fact not a materialistic person.
A huge concern of mine, in this case was the consideration of who was taking possession of our bar. I gave it to my sister who promised to take good care of it and assured me that she would enjoy it as we had. This brought some relief.
As I continue to pack, both Mike and I feel like we are neither here nor there. 
While this house is emptying out, our destination is becoming a home, yet we are only there every other weekend. When we are there, we can’t wait to be settled for good. For the past three years we have anxiously been looking forward to beginning a new life in the country. We have grown tired of this town and the congestion and the bills. We’ve come to a place in our lives where we want to breathe fresh air, enjoy a little peace and become closer to nature.
Yet, after 18 years in this house, I wonder when we shut the door behind us for the final time, will the house have been a possession or will it be something that we’ve possessed that will be difficult to part with. Time will tell.
(Reprinted from an email with no credit available to the author. Please let me know who you are so I can thank you!)
Is there an imaginary cutoff period when offspring become accountable for their own actions? Is there some wonderful moment when parents can become detached spectators in the lives of their children and shrug, “It’s their life,” and feel nothing?
When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital corridor waiting for doctors to put a few stitches in my daughter’s head and I asked, “When do you stop worrying?”
The nurse said, “When they get out of the accident stage.”
When I was in my thirties, I sat on a little chair in a classroom and heard how one of my children talked incessantly, disrupted the class, and was headed for a career making license plates.
As if to read my mind, a teacher said, “Don’t worry, they all go through this stage, then you can sit back, relax and enjoy them.”
When I was in my forties, I spent a lifetime waiting for the phone to ring, the cars to come home, and the front door to open.
A friend said, “They’re trying to find themselves. Don’t worry! In a few years, they’ll be adults. They’ll be off on their own, they’ll be out of your hair.”
By the time I was 50, I was sick and tired of being vulnerable. I was still worrying over my children, but there was a new wrinkle. Even though they were on their own I continued to anguish over their failures, be tormented by their frustrations and absorbed in their disappointment, and there was nothing I could do about it.
My friends said that when my kids got married I could stop worrying and lead my own life. I wanted to believe.
My friends said that when I became a grandparent I would get to enjoy the happy little voices yelling “Grandma! Papa!”
But now I find I worry just as much about the little kids as the big ones. How can anyone cope with all this worry? Can it be that parents are sentenced to a lifetime of worry? Is concern for one another handed down like a torch to blaze the trail of human frailties and the fears of the unknown? Is concern a curse, or is it a virtue that elevates us to the highest form of earthly creation?
Recently, one of my own children became quite irritable, saying to me, “Where were you? I’ve been calling for three days and no one answered. I was worried!”
I smiled a warm smile. The torch has been passed.
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