1] Prayer is not a “spare wheel” that you pull out when in trouble, but it is a “steering wheel” that directs the right path throughout.

2] So why a Car’s WINDSHIELD is so large and the Rear view Mirror is so small? Because our PAST is not as important as our FUTURE. So, Look Ahead and Move on.

3] Friendship is like a BOOK. It takes few seconds to burn, but it takes years to write.

4] All things in life are temporary. If going well, enjoy it, they will not last forever. If going wrong, don’t worry, they can’t last long either.

5] Old Friends are Gold! New Friends are Diamond! If you get a Diamond, don’t forget the Gold! Because to hold a Diamond, you always need a Base of Gold!

6] Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, GOD smiles from above and says, “Relax, sweetheart, it’s just a bend, not the end!

7] When GOD solves your problems, you have faith in HIS abilities; when GOD doesn’t solve your problems HE has faith in your abilities.

8] A blind person asked St. Anthony: “Can there be anything worse than losing eye sight?” He replied: “Yes, losing your vision!”

9] When you pray for others, God listens to you and blesses them, and sometimes, when you are safe and happy, remember that someone has prayed for you.

10] WORRYING does not take away tomorrow’s TROUBLES, it takes away today’s PEACE.

APHORISM: A SHORT, POINTED SENTENCE EXPRESSING
A WISE OR CLEVER OBSERVATION OR A GENERAL TRUTH

1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
3. If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.
4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.
6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants
to stay out all night?
7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can
operate without.
8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
9. Scratch a cat and you will have a permanent job.
10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.
12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number.
13. No one ever says ‘It’s only a game.’ when their team is winning.
14. I’ve reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
15. Be careful reading the fine print. There’s no way you’re going to like it.
16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not all peoples buckets are the same size.
17. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of tattooed old ladies running around?
(And the Golden Oldies will be rap music!)
18. Money can’t buy happiness — but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.
19. After 50, if you don’t wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead!
20. Always be yourself because the people who matter don’t mind, and the ones who mind don’t matter.

Whether these changes are good or bad depends in part on how we adapt to them. But, ready or not, here they come!

1. The Post Office. Get ready to imagine a world without the post office. They are so deeply in financial trouble that there is probably no way to sustain it long term. Email, Fed Ex, and UPS have just about wiped out the minimum revenue needed to keep the post office alive. Most of your mail every day is junk mail and bills..

2. The Check. Britain is already laying the groundwork to do away with checks by 2018. It costs the financial system billions of dollars a year to process checks. Plastic cards and online transactions will lead to the eventual demise of the check. This plays right into the death of the post office. If you never paid your bills by mail and never received them by mail, the post office would absolutely go out of business.

3. The Newspaper. The younger generation simply doesn’t read the newspaper. They certainly don’t subscribe to a daily delivered print edition. That may go the way of the milkman and the laundry man. As for reading the paper online, get ready to pay for it. The rise in mobile Internet devices and e-readers has caused all the newspaper and magazine publishers to form an alliance. They have met with Apple, Amazon, and the major cell phone companies to develop a model for paid subscription services.

4. The Book. You say you will never give up the physical book that you hold in your hand and turn the literal pages. I said the same thing about downloading music from iTunes. I wanted my hard copy CD. But I quickly changed my mind when I discovered that I could get albums for half the price without ever leaving home to get the latest music. The same thing will happen with books. You can browse a bookstore online and even read a preview chapter before you buy. And the price is less than half that of a real book. And think of the convenience! Once you start flicking your fingers on the screen instead of the book, you find that you are lost in the story, can’t wait to see what happens next, and you forget that you’re holding a gadget instead of a book.

5. The Land Line Telephone. Unless you have a large family and make a lot of local calls, you don’t need it anymore. Most people keep it simply because they’ve always had it. But you are paying double charges for that extra service. All the cell phone companies will let you call customers using the same cell provider for no charge against your minutes.

6. Music. This is one of the saddest parts of the change story. The music industry is dying a slow death. Not just because of illegal downloading. It’s the lack of innovative new music being given a chance to get to the people who would like to hear it. Greed and corruption is the problem.
The record labels and the radio conglomerates are simply self-destructing. Over 40% of the music purchased today is “catalog items,” meaning traditional music that the public is familiar with. Older established artists. This is also true on the live concert circuit. To explore this fascinating and disturbing topic further, check out the book, “Appetite for Self-Destruction” by Steve Knopper, and the video documentary, “Before the Music Dies.”

7. Television. Revenues to the networks are down dramatically. Not just because of the economy. People are watching TV and movies streamed from their computers. And they’re playing games and doing lots of other things that take up the time that used to be spent watching TV. Prime time shows have degenerated down to lower than the lowest common denominator.
Cable rates are skyrocketing and commercials run about every 4 minutes and 30 seconds. I say good riddance to most of it. It’s time for the cable companies to be put out of our misery.. Let the people choose what they want to watch online and through Netflix.

8. The “Things” That You Own. Many of the very possessions that we used to own are still in our lives, but we may not actually own them in the future. They may simply reside in “the cloud.” Today your computer has a hard drive and you store your pictures, music, movies, and documents. Your software is on a CD or DVD, and you can always re-install it if need be. But all of that is changing. Apple, Microsoft, and Google are all finishing up their latest “cloud services.” That means that when you turn on a computer, the Internet will be built into the operating system. So, Windows, Google, and the Mac OS will be tied straight into the Internet. If you click an icon, it will open something in the Internet cloud. If you save something, it will be saved to the cloud. And you may pay a monthly subscription fee to the cloud provider.
In this virtual world, you can access your music or your books, or your whatever from any laptop or handheld device. That’s the good news. But, will you actually own any of this “stuff” or will it all be able to disappear at any moment in a big “Poof?” Will most of the things in our lives be disposable and whimsical? It makes you want to run to the closet and pull out that photo album, grab a book from the shelf, or open up a CD case and pull out the insert.

9. Privacy. If there ever was a concept that we can look back on nostalgically, it would be privacy. That’s gone. It’s been gone for a long time anyway. Try Google search on your name and see how much information is available and you will be appalled. There are cameras on the street, in most of the buildings, and even built into your computer and cell phone. But you can be sure that 24/7, “They” know who you are and where you are, right down to the GPS coordinates, and the Google Street View. If you buy something, your habit is put into a zillion profiles, and your ads will change to reflect those habits. And “They” will try to get you to buy something else. Again and again.

All we will have that can’t be changed are Memories.

Spread the diaper in the position of a baseball diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher’s mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again.

Author Unknown

Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal & someone always answers. 

Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet & who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies & stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy’s Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness & cost of the carpet or rug.

Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.

Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctors’ Law - If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better. Don’t make an appointment and you’ll stay sick.

Is there an imaginary cutoff period when offspring become accountable for their own actions? Is there some wonderful moment when parents can become detached spectators in the lives of their children and shrug, “It’s their life,” and feel nothing?

When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital corridor waiting for doctors to put a few stitches in my daughter’s head and I asked, “When do you stop worrying?”

The nurse said, “When they get out of the accident stage.”

When I was in my thirties, I sat on a little chair in a classroom and heard how one of my children talked incessantly, disrupted the class, and was headed for a career making license plates.

As if to read my mind, a teacher said, “Don’t worry, they all go through this stage, then you can sit back, relax and enjoy them.”

When I was in my forties, I spent a lifetime waiting for the phone to ring, the cars to come home, and the front door to open.

A friend said, “They’re trying to find themselves. Don’t worry! In a few years, they’ll be adults. They’ll be off on their own, they’ll be out of your hair.”

By the time I was 50, I was sick and tired of being vulnerable. I was still worrying over my children, but there was a new wrinkle. Even though they were on their own I continued to anguish over their failures, be tormented by their frustrations and absorbed in their disappointment, and there was nothing I could do about it.

My friends said that when my kids got married I could stop worrying and lead my own life. I wanted to believe.

My friends said that when I became a grandparent I would get to enjoy the happy little voices yelling “Grandma! Papa!”

But now I find I worry just as much about the little kids as the big ones. How can anyone cope with all this worry? Can it be that parents are sentenced to a lifetime of worry? Is concern for one another handed down like a torch to blaze the trail of human frailties and the fears of the unknown? Is concern a curse, or is it a virtue that elevates us to the highest form of earthly creation?

Recently, one of my own children became quite irritable, saying to me, “Where were you? I’ve been calling for three days and no one answered. I was worried!”

I smiled a warm smile. The torch has been passed.

Four worms were placed into
four separate jars..

The first worm was put into a container
of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container
of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of
chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of
good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the
Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol – Dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke – Dead

The Third worm in chocolate syrup -Dead

Fourth worm in good clean soil -Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation
What did you learn from this demonstration?

Maxine was sitting in the back,
quickly raised her hand and said,

‘As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won’t have worms!’

That pretty much ended the service.

THESE REALLY WORK!!

AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:

1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetable while you chop.

2. Avoid arguments with females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.

3. For high blood pressure sufferers ~ Simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on you veins. Remember to use a timer.

4. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you’ll be afraid to cough.

6. You only need two tools in life ~ WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and does, us the duct tape.

7. If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got and electrical problem.

Author Unknown

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead.  “How do you know that the cat was dead?” she asked him.  “Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move,” answered the child innocently.  “You did WHAT!!” the teacher exclaimed in surprise.  “You know,” explained the boy, “I leaned over and went ‘Pssst!’ and it didn’t move.”

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him,  “How do you expect to get into Heaven?”  The boy thought it over and said, “Well, I’ll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, ‘For Heaven’s sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!”

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed.  She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?”  The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. “I can’t dear,” she said. “I have to sleep in Daddy’s room.”  A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: “The big sissy.”

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room as I was preparing to get into the shower.  She said, “Mommy, you are getting fat!” I said, ” remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy.”  “I know,” she replied, “but what’s growing in you butt?”

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of “Chicken Little” to her class.  She came to the part where Chicken Little warns the farmer.   She read, “…and Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, “The sky is falling!”   The teacher then asked the class, “And what do you think that farmer said?”  One little girl raised her hand and said, “I think he said: ‘Holy Sh*t! A talking chicken!”   The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

Borrow money from a pessimist – they don’t expect it back.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

The colder the x-ray table the more of you body is required on it.

The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

Author Unknown